2004-09-16 - 1:09 p.m.
You know how before the nurse stabs you with a needle they say "now this isn't going to hurt."? After eight months I thought things weren't going to hurt anymore. I didn't have the ability to cry before, but now the flood gates are open and I can hardly see. I feel like someone is pushing hard on my heart, but I realize it's me holding my breath. Is it such a bad thing to want someone to stay the same? I want him to stay the person I fell in love with. Beyond all this craziness I know he is the same. I think he will regret what he's doing, but I can't do more than give my opinion. Fuck, if you want to stop hurting someone you love, try taking care of yourself. I feel like this is a side of him I was supposed to see. If it came up in the future there could be a lot more at stake. He doesn't care what he's doing now, so why should he care when he has a family and a wife? Go on, run around like a chicken with your head cut off. I won't lie and pretend I don't care. I can't keep re-opening the same wound, the scar will just get bigger and bigger. Deep breaths, wipe tears off face, and go try to make someone's life a bit better than yours. ��
